Directed by: Gary Goddard

Released: August 1987

Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Frank Langella, Meg Foster, Bily Barty, Courteney Cox, Robert Duncan McNeill, Jon Cypher, Chelsea Field, James Tolkan, and Christina Pickles as Sorceress of Greyskull.

First-time viewing.

A Disclaimer of Sorts:

I went into Masters of the Universe almost completely blind. I have some very basic knowledge of the cartoon series. The few episodes I’ve seen my focus was on Skeletor, possibly one of the most incompetent, most watchable super villains ever. A real go getter, a pick yourself up dust yourself off start all over again kind of guy. Skeletor is no quitter. Anyway, every couple of months a buddy of mine comes over and we do a double-feature, along with pizza, wings, and Ginger Ale. The double feature is not pre-planned. Usually our choices come from our round table discussion prior to ordering the pizza.

The other evening, we selected The French Connection as the first feature. My friend had never seen The French Connection before. Fortunately, it’s part of my collection. Another title mentioned was Masters of the Universe, a film I had never watched before. I neither knew the plot or watched the trailer. Unprepared, I was going for it. Ultimately compelling me to create this little step-by-step guide for viewing Masters of the Universe.

1: Remove your Brain.

Not everyone can just shut off their brain, I know I can’t. Fortunately, the next best thing to do is just plain remove it. This is not without its hazards. You may require help. Finally, now that you’ve removed your brain, place it in a box, and stash it somewhere you can easily find it later. Perhaps in the fridge or on the coffee table. Just be careful around the chicken wings and ginger ale. There, now you’ve freed your mind, and the rest will follow. You are prepared to bask in the glory that is Masters of the Universe.

2: Do Not Expect the Cartoon.

In the cartoon, He-man is portrayed pretty much as a square, and the same holds true of this film. Skeletor is He-man’s arch-rival with the most incompetent team of henchmen ever assembled in the history of henching. The film stays true to Skeletor’s hiring practices. Beyond that Masters of the Universe plays loose with He-man canon.

Going into Masters of the Universe I was expecting plenty of sword play, Castle Greyskull and a diabolical scheme from Skeletor. I got the scheme. Skeletor (Frank Langella) has captured Castle Greyskull along with the Sorceress of Greyskull (Christina Pickles). All in a bid to take over the universe. Skeletor does think big. As a bonus he has acquired a Cosmic Key that can open time portals to anywhere(!). Gwildor (Billy Barty), the inventor of the Cosmic Key, and He-man (Dolph Lungren) ally, still has the Key’s prototype. Skeletor must have that prototype, no matter the cost. Insuring he will truly be all powerful.

In an attempt to rescue the Sorceress, things go horribly wrong for He-man and his pals. Using Gwildor’s Key, our heroes end up in Somesmalltown in Southern California,…in 1987.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t see that coming.

3. Taking Masters of the Universe Seriously is Futile. Just let go.

He-man and his pals, along with Skeletor’s henchmen, have landed, more or less in the lap of Julie (Courteney Cox). Who is visiting the cemetery, with her musician boyfriend Kevin (Robert Duncan McNeill), and have bumbled upon the Key . Julie does battle with the henchmen and is rescued by He-man. He-man, the bare chested, sword wielding, cape and armor wearing hero from the planet Eternia, explains the situation to Julie and she buys it. Kevin is a harder sell. After a few blows to the head from the henchmen, he comes around. Julie and Kevin are unconditionally on board to help He-man save the universe.

Unlike other movies involving mythical characters ending up in modern-day California, Masters of the Universe doesn’t spend time on the whole fish out of water routine. Such as He-man and company having to adjust to primitive 20^th century ways and trying to fit in. They just bust in with a job to do. Which is inconvenient for the citizens of Somesmalltown California. It’s certain that there are plenty of bylaw violations. The least of which being excessive sound (explosions and laser fire), and property damage. The cops are very late to the party, which doesn’t speak well for local law enforcement.

My best advice: have fun with this stuff. Do your own world building. Somesmalltown could be your hometown.

4. Don’t Compare Masters of the Universe to Any Other Movies. It’s Not Fair.

Long story short, Skeletor fails. Giving away the details would be cruel.

What’s enjoyable about Masters of the Universe is it appears like the cast is having a great time. This carries over to us, the viewing audience.

Not every movie can be Citizen Kane, or multi-Academy Award winning The French Connection. If I’m not mistaken, I don’t think Masters of the Universe is aspiring to be. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Really all we are asking from a movie is to be entertaining. The only other thing we need is that everyone involved did their best with the resources and funding. No matter how limited those funds were. I think Masters of the Universe accomplished this.

In this instance, pairing Masters of the Universe and The French Connection for comparison is pointless. Viewing both films back-to-back provided a unique experience that makes you look at why we love movies. Being taken to places and meeting people we might not come across in our regular lives. Whether it be with tough cops in 1970s New York City. Or with live action cartoon characters from a fantasy world who come to 1987 Southern California and break stuff. Each film is judged for what it is on its own terms.

5. In Conclusion.

If you’ve had a bad day filled with big bags of poo being dumped on you. Putting your feet up, shutting your brain off, and watching Masters of the Universe is not the worst thing you could do. Now Hollywood Vice Squad (1986). That one’s a turd.

There you have it. With my oxygen running out, I’d better get that brain of mine back into my skull. If only I could remember where I stashed it.

Masters of the Universe is streaming on Tubi. We love you Tubi!